I can't believe it's been 1 year since my Dad died....

Since he's been gone, we've realized what a big hole he left behind. We've realized how many lives he touched that we never knew about, and we noticed so many of his positive attributes that we often took for granted.  I've had a year to think on this and this is what my Dad instilled in me and modeled everyday that I hope to pass on to my kids. 

1.) As long as I can remember I would come out of my bedroom to my dad reading the Bible laying on the ground on his belly in our living room.  Every.single.day.  He instilled in me the importance of putting God first.

2.) Every Friday night he would take our whole family out to eat (which is pretty awesome in general) but what stood out to me is that my dad ALWAYS prayed for our meals in a restaurant before we ate.  Many times the waiters or waitresses would have to wait to deliver food until he said amen.  He was NEVER ashamed of showing his faith.  And it's something that our family continues to do.  I honestly encourage you to do it as well if you don't.  It can be a little awkward at first, but I can't tell you how many times people are so ENCOURAGED by seeing and watching your faith play out.  I can't help but think if we all were a little bolder in our faith we would see such a huge impact.

3.)  I always saw my dad write a check to church and drop it in the offering plate.  He truly believed whatever money he made was God's first and foremost and gave his first 10% back to him.  This is a practice that can be so hard, trust me, often (especially when we were living penny to penny, I had to force myself to write that check.  But amazingly the Lord always provided, even when it didn't make sense on paper.  Because it never made sense.  God is so faithful and it truly is an act of faith, and I'm grateful for my dad to pass that faith down to us.

4.) Serving.  I almost laugh writing this because a year ago if you asked me if I thought my dad was a servant I would have chuckled and said nope!  He was the type that would say, "Sue, do we have any forks?" :) LOL.  He liked to be waited on:) But this past year we have realized how many areas my dad served in (and never complained) that went unnoticed.  He was the guy who mowed the church lawn, he would go early on Sundays if it snowed and shoveled the sidewalks.  He served on his elder board and finance team and went to weekly meetings, and he was always the guy to help move chairs and tables as needed with no complaints.  Looking at all of these tasks I'd probably complain about having to do them over and over without any acknowledgment, and my dad did it all with a joyful heart. 

5.)  Lastly, my dad took value in people.  He was always the guy that wanted to go to every gathering (retirement/graduation/funeral) because he wanted to show up for people.  We heard at his funeral how many people (often widows or lonely people) he would check in on with a phone call or actual visit, that we never knew about.  He was intentional and it left a huge impact. 

So here we are, 1 year in.  We've officially done everything once now without my dad and that in and of itself is so terribly sad to me.  But that's just it. It's sad to me.  Not him.  We miss him because we are still down here, on earth.  And he's just up there in heaven in his perfect body worshipping his Savior and probably hasn't even noticed we aren't there yet, because I don't think there is time in heaven.  One day we'll all meet up with him and he'll say, oh! There you are! Praise Jesus! And that's where my hope lies.  If we focus on us and this earth, we will be disappointed every time.  If we focus on God and heaven, we will be in complete peace.  I continue to try to constantly renew my mind to an eternal mindset.  It makes you bolder for Jesus, it keeps this world less desirable, and it brings so much Joy!!!

Also, because I get asked all the time, I wanted to address really quick on how we are doing with HOW my dad died.  Every single one of us hated the experience we went through during Dad's sickness.  We saw the darkness, we felt the darkness, we walked through the darkness.  In the political agenda dad wasn't human.  He was a pawn.  A pawn for money, a pawn for power, and honestly, we feel a casualty in a very ugly war.  He was anything but a human being in that hospital.  He wasn't treated as a loving husband, a loving dad to 4 girls and a grandpa enamored with his 15 grandkids.  (Except for the few God sent nurses who tried to fight for us and loved him well) For people to deny what happened and continues to happen in the hospital on accounts of money is beyond me.  I pray you don't have to experience it first-hand.  As for the fight, we gave that up.  We don't want money, it doesn't bring Dad back, we don't seek justice on our own account, we know that will come from God, and mostly we don't want to continually live that part of our lives over and over because it was horrific.  We are so grateful that we told Dad's story because it saved so many lives.  We are honored God used it and spread it far and wide to reach people we'll never know and hopefully our prayer is it gives people more time to find Jesus, to turn to Him and to make an eternal decision for the kingdom.  But our peace comes soley in the fact that God is sovereign.  We know our God could have healed dad if He so chose.  He didn't.  And there is peace in that.  We will never understand all of God's reasoning (we aren't meant to) but I guarantee once we see the whole story, we will be so grateful to have played a small role in that. 

So thanks Dad, for passing on your faith and leaving a legacy that truly matters.  I can't wait to see you soon!  Love you lots!