2023 - A NEW YEAR WITH A NEW OUTLOOK
2023 started out with a bang for us in more than one way, but on New Year's Eve, Instagram decided to disable my account of 248k followers which also happens to be the main source of income for our family. Thankfully, 3 days later they reinstated it with lots of prayers, support, and help from all of you, but the lessons we walked away with her invaluable and we want to share those with you!
To start, I wanted to emphasize that just ending 2022 I was very tired in the sense of IG work and commitments. The last few months of the year are obviously the biggest sales months with the holidays and every brand that you have worked with usually comes with their best offers which are hard to turn down. I have a personality that hates to say no to people, that always wants to put forth my best work, and that ultimately took on more than I should have. When Ryan quit his full time job our whole goal was to figure out a plan that gave us more independence from IG. We thought that would be in real estate (flippers or rentals) but as time went on and prices stayed so high, we realized that it was not an ideal time to enter into that market. Which in turn put more stress on me to provide an income for not just ryan and I anymore, but also his mom and our niece ( who we are SO THANKFUL to also be able to bless with employment!) Although Ryan and I are a team and he was helping in every way possible that he could, most of the actual IG income was nothing he could help with. I knew in my spirit that the way our family was operating was a little backwards...backwards in the sense that we desire Ryan to always be the leader of our family and the provider. Not saying that I can't contribute to that, and that there are seasons where things can be upside down for a time, but we had a bit of a breaking point saying this can't be sustainable for our family long term and we need to begin working towards a long term goal of how to change that.
So when my account went down on New Years Eve with no warning, it was not only a scary feeling since it really was a big chunk of our income just gone (so it felt like!) but also a time where we completely surrendered it to the Lord. The only information I got from IG was that my account went against community guidelines, and that they had already reviewed their decision and decided to permantly disable my account. At that point I was not allowed to even submit a claim to oppose the decision and it all felt very hopeless. Of course we asked for help and tried what we could to get our account back (which we eventually did) but the first thing out of Ryan's mouth after I told him they disabled my account was "Let's pray." And at that moment we handed it over to God. And I have to tell you that I'm so grateful that we have had a relationship with Jesus for so long now that we can trust Him completely in all things.
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
2I will saya to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.
4He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler."
Psalm 91: 1-4
He has never let us down and we know He never will. To be honest, the very first thing that popped into my head was the story of Job. Job is the man in the Bible that God allowed Satan to mess with to see if he would stay faithful to God. And that story is so beyond humbling to me because not only did Job lose his finances, and he was one of the richest men in the country, but he also lost everything and everyone he loved. To top it off he lost his health. And yet he still praised God. Our little hiccup seemed like such a small thing when thinking about this story, and sometimes I feel like there are tests in our lives that God is allowing to see where our hearts truly are. I know my heart needed a re-centering and when we surrendered this area of our lives and said Lord we ultimately desire to be in your will, whatever that looks like, such peace came over us. We also attribute a lot of that peace to so many of you who were praying us through as well!
As we walked this journey we also saw God in every little step along the way. Its amazing how He really is in all the details. 2 years ago I had started a back up account called @prvbsgirl2 to share my dad's story of how the covid protocol in the hospital killed him. Sharing dads story was a leap of faith knowing it could affect a lot of my partnerships, which it did, but we knew that his story NEEDED to be heard to save others from the same situation we walked through. I started a new account thinking it very easily could get taken down because the narrative is not what our government wanted to push, and amazingly 2 years later it was still standing and what I found out last week is that everyone STUCK AROUND! Which in and of itself was such a good God testimony! Also we watched God protect my main account through that time, and even though many brands bailed on me, God provided for us financially. He was faithful! I hadn't posted on that account in almost 2 years and so often people clean up their accounts they follow and delete people. So when I posted over there and honestly had MORE story views than on my big account, only JESUS. Plus, on top of that so many people said they haven't seen my original account in months as the algorithm had hid me like it loves to do, and my old account popped right up! So in a crazy way it helped engagement all the more....Isn't that just like Jesus to do...
It also had this time (and i don't want to speak for Ryan, I'll let him do that on stories tonight,) but I think it really humbled us in such a deep and profound way. First it humbled us by the outpouring of support we received from all of you guys and the testimonies you were sharing of how God allowed us to have a small role in your own faith journeys....and ultimately it humbled us in the sense that we need to make sure we are in the will of God at all times. I think the past few months that had gotten muddied for us and we allowed opportunity and control take over walking in the spirit of God and what he has for us. This instance was almost like a lightbulb moment back to what are hearts intent really is in this space. It is very human of us to want to control our own lives. To control our own bank accounts. To control our own future. But the problem when you grip too tightly is you miss out on God's best. Because His ways are ALWAYS better than our own.
Before all of this had happened I already had told Ryan I felt like God was pulling at my heart to set aside a true sabbath. I told him I was no longer going to post any collabs on Sundays and I was going to protect that day as a day of rest for 2023. I had lost healthy boundaries amidst opportunity and I knew it wasn't healthy for my soul. But what this little IG break did for me was to realize I was filling every last bit of energy with content creating, and I wasn't leaving any energy left for creating what God was laying on my heart. Last summer I was approached by a couple of publishers with the idea of possibly writing a book. One publisher really stood out to me and it totally peaked my interest, and also completely freaked me out:) But I had put it on the back burner for so long and continually pushed off filling out a proposal because I never had enough "energy and time" to put at it. This past year God has place so many different things on my heart that I felt like I should share but when it came down too it I didn't have the time and energy to blog like I wanted. Contracts, collabs, content, was taking up all the space and I really feel like I was squelching the spirit and His good plans for our lives. So yesterday I decided to re-visit that book proposal (yikes! so intimidating....and also a 2 year process so don't get too excited;) and Ryan and I also had a long discussion of what needs to change going forward.
We realized that even though there's opportunity to "make money" it doesn't mean its good and right. We chatted about what a realistic "work commitment" on instagram looked like so that I still had time to really dig deeper into what God is teaching me and putting on my heart to share with you all. We realized that we both need to "create schedules" for ourselves (something that's hard to do when you're self-employed) but this fly by the seat of our pants isnt working for either of us. We learned that we want to re-focus on creating something outside of IG (don't worry we aren't going anywhere) so that more pressure is taken off of me. And we ultimately learned that if we are in Gods will that is the very best place to be! And we need to work hard to continually soften our heart, surrender our ways, and listen for his still small voice so we follow His plan for our lives.
