We went in to be induced with Jules yesterday morning at 7:00 a.m.  We welcomed our little angel Jules into the world at 6:23 p.m.  She wasn’t crying right away, but after a few puffs of oxygen she opened her eyes and said hello.  We were ecstatic!  and she is Beautiful! and she was a whooping 4 lbs 11.8 oz.  Sorry for the iphone pics, the rest aren’t uploaded yet.

Sarah was with us all day to help relieve some stress:) and take photos.  She got some beauties that we will share a little later, for now here are a few of Jules being introduced into the world, our family, and our lives.

She is a miracle in every way.  She is a fighter.  She is a child of God.  She is gorgeous.  She is perfect.

We just ask for prayer for the next few days.  We tried to breast feed Juliet and she did great, but her little nose isn’t formed correctly and her nostril doesn’t allow her to breath.  She was turning blue so we had to stop.  Juliet’s cleft pallet is so deep that a feeding tube would be difficult for her.  If she spit up it could go into her lungs and a tube would agitate her.  We have decided against an iv so we have been giving her breast milk with a syringe under her tongue.  She seems to keep it all down, but it probably won’t be enough to sustain her.

We prayed for a fighter and we got one.  As we are up with her in the middle of the night and she cries we pray she stops fighting and goes to meet Jesus where her body will be made whole.  I can’t tell you how difficult it is to be her mom and dad and know there is nothing you can do but pray like crazy.  And love.  Love her to pieces. and cry.

She looks so beautiful to us we wish she could stay forever…but her little body just isn’t made to last forever.  The list is too long.  There is so much more for her….

The Christian doctor that called when we were first diagnosed and gave us such a peace about the situation came to our room to meet little Jules.  He stated it best when he said, I’m a little jealous of her actually.  She’s a lot closer to being home than you and I are.  Lucky little lady.

Lastly we need to give a huge shout out to our amazing doctor and nurses that took such great care of us!  It was no coincidence who the Lord has put in our path.  We have been loved on and blessed so much by them.  They have cried with us and helped us through some of our biggest trials in our life.  We are so grateful and we love you ;)  You have a big place in our hearts!

Lately I have been writing posts in my head around 3 in the morning when I can’t sleep.  I really should just wake up and go downstairs and type it out, but it usually doesn’t happen.  And usually the post always sounds better in my head.  But, I’m writing this post for 2 reasons…

1.)  To say Juliet is still staying put.   I know a lot of you are checking in to see if there is any news, so I thought I would keep you updated.  It looks like she will come Monday, when we are scheduled to be induced.  I was hoping she’d come on her own, but I guess there are a few perks.  Like since we have to be there at 7 a.m. , and Kynlee can sleep til 10 a.m. :) Grandma and Grandpa are coming Sunday night.  That way the kiddos don’t have to get woken up so early to get dropped off somewhere.  Also, our sweet photographer friend Sarah was able to find a babysitter and free her day so she can be there, thanks Lisa for watching her kiddos!  and that means I can go in showered and ready.  I know it’s really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it’ll make me feel a little better.

I’ve never been induced before and I must say it’s kinda weird knowing there is an end date in site.  Especially with Jules.  So ready or not, 2 days from now and we will probably get to meet her!

2.)  The second reason I’m writing this post it to thank the blog world for their love and support.  Sounds a bit corny, but I  have to tell you that before I started blogging, I read blogs.  I was always surprised how the bloggers would talk about their blog family and what a big part of their life they were.  It’s not until now that I truly understand that.  I started blogging a little over a year and a half ago, and it started out to encourage, share, and possibly try to lighten the load for the hubby by bringing in some sort of support.  Most stay at home moms are always looking for some way to help out a little bit, and what better than to share you heart and hobby?? Well, the financial support part didn’t really pan out…although I’m still working on it:)  but what did happen was the community part changed my life.  I started with 487 unique visitors, which means different people that checked out my site, the first month.  Since then it has grown to 13,000 different people that check out my site each month.  I realized Jules has brought a lot of those people to my site, and I’m so grateful!  I still cannot describe the amazing peace the Lord has given us through this journey except for the fact that God is good, and that my blog family and everyone else..is praying!  And prayer is so powerful!

Sometimes I feel like we are getting to “cheat the system” by putting our story out there.  I know that there are so many people who are going through similar situations if not worse, who are going it alone.  I can’t imagine.  If you are please comment and let us pray for you!  The Lord’s timing is always perfect and I can’t help but think He knew we’d need this extra prayer and support.  He was looking out for us.  He’s carrying us through all of you.  We have  been so beyond humbled by everyone who has messaged, called, written, sent gifts and food.  People that we know, and so many people that we don’t even know…but that have found our story through mutual friends, facebook, or my blog.  We are overwhelmed by the sweet Jesus love you have….and community has a whole new meaning to us.  Especially community in Christ.  It is such a strong bond.

So, thank you again…I can’t say it enough.  Thank you for letting us put our story out there.  I will continue to keep you informed on Sweet Jules, although we do not own a laptop (!) shocking!! so I won’t be able to blog from the hospital, but we will let you know as soon as we can and are able.

Love to you all:)

xoxo

I realized something crazy this last week.  Even though you can receive some of the hardest news you’ve ever been given, life goes on.  People go about their normal lives around you and I tend to look at them with jealousy quite frequently.  I continue to function, dishes have to be done, kids have to be fed…a house has to be kept up.  But always at the back of my mind is, life is so different.  I truly again thank each of you from the bottom of my heart that have sent a card, commented, or told me how often you have been praying.  I can’t believe how many people have told me they wake up in the middle of the night praying for us.  Sometimes I so wish I could peek into the spiritual realm and see what you precious saints are all fighting off for us.  Because I can feel it.  But every once in awhile the enemy still sneaks in.

As I was laying in bed last night I realized how often since we’ve received the news that I just pretend everything is normal.  For the most part the pregnancy has been like my others, precious Jules has been kicking away, and I tell myself everything will be fine.  But then there are times that reality hits.  Sometimes it’s when Kynlee will randomly say mom, I want Baby Jules to go up to Jesus and get better and then come live with us. Me too babe!  But mostly it’s when I’m alone with my thoughts and selfishness seeps in.  I want a sister for my baby girl that’s getting so big already.  I want to see little Jules run around with Tate and Kynlee like they were last night giggling and chasing each other.  I want to snuggle a little baby so bad that doesn’t have tubes coming out of her and stuck in a hospital.  In that fact, I just want to snuggle a live baby.  Will I get to hold her alive??

And then Jesus meets me.

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

and I cling to these words…and the amazing prayers from you all!!  Our new motto is one day at a time.  It’s hard to not think about the future but with it being so uncertain all we can do is take it one day at a time.  One kick at a time:)  A week has never felt longer.

So if you continue to pray we just ask for strength to face each day, from a shield of protection over the enemies arrows that try to attack us, and the we continue to hand Jules over to Jesus and allow him to use her in a mighty way.

Also, with this being said…we are going to try to resume somewhat normal life.  More for the fact that we need time to continue on without being drug down with the reality of what may lay ahead.  So, I’m going to continue to blog on home decor, and will also update you with how Jules is doing.  We are planning on having our next Whimsy sale July 26th and the 28th and hope that we see some of your beautiful faces:)  For now I’ll leave you with a few fun pictures from this week away up north.

They keep telling everyone that they got to ride a fish…the looks they get are great:)  This is what they meant:)

Through it all our family has never been closer.  Thank you Jules for that blessing!

At a local resort on Rainy Lake they had a huge birdcage the kids could swing in…

They loved it.

They also got to feed the chipmunks…

and ride one:)

We are BLESSED!!!

Love to you alll:)

On Wednesday, a new reality sunk into our lives.  We went in for a level 2 ultrasound to see if our little peanut had a cleft pallet.  We were told at our original 20 week ultrasound that there was a “shadow” on the lip and they wanted to look into it further.  We were also told that baby was in less than 3rd percentile for weight and had cysts on the brain.  Both sound scary but after researching and talking to some doctors we realized that the cysts usually always go away by birth and since we have smaller babies anyway, the weight should even itself out.  A cleft pallet was hard, only because you don’t want your little babe to go through anything they shouldn’t have to.  Surgery on my baby is not at the top of my list.  After having to wait a month to have our level 2 ultrasound, and a lot of prayer and peace about it, we braced ourselves and were ready to see if peanut would be born with a cleft pallet.

As we were getting our ultrasound I was so excited to see little babe in the womb.  Baby was so cute as always, and our technician had told us she was going to be super thorough on this ultrasound, from head to toes and boy was she ever.  She came to the head last, and indeed we found out peanut would be born with a cleft pallet.  My eyes watered over and Ry squeezed my hand, but we were prepared for this.  Surgery is amazing and so many people told us you would barely know.

Baby is laying on it’s side.  Even at 1 lb and 4 oz you can see the chubby little cheeks.  Taking a little rest now with it’s eyes closed and under it’s nose is a dark spot.  On baby’s upper right lip is the cleft pallet.

Then the doctor came in.

A doctor we had never met before came in and shook our hands and said, “I’m very concerned for your baby.”  I was thinking the same thing, poor thing was gonna be born with a cleft pallet which would mean a feeding tube, no nursing at first, surgery within the first year of it’s life.  We’ve never dealt with anything like this before.  But then I sensed that wasn’t what she was talking about.  And soon our world came crashing to a halt.  I don’t remember much after this point.  She just starting pointing out one thing after another.  Your baby only has 1 kidney, there is possibly 2 holes in the heart, the line in the brain does not have an opening which means the right side and the left side may not be connecting, babies hands are always clenched and aren’t opening up, it has a cleft pallet, it’s weight is low.  I mean how much can a mom take at one time.  And it just didn’t stop.  I looked back up at the screen at what seemed like a perfect little baby in my eyes.  Lord, we were just supposed to be coming in to see if baby had a cleft.  I didn’t prepare myself to hear this.  How could you???

And after the list was done she told us, it doesn’t look good.  All of these signs are pointing to a genetic disorder called trisomy 18 (a genetic disorder in which a person has a third copy of material from chromosome 18) or trisomy 13, (a genetic disorder in which a person has three copies of genetic material from chromosome 13, instead of the usual two copies.)  And she went on.  Most babies die inutero with only 10% making it to their first birthday.   Ryan was so strong for me.  I think he knew I needed it.  He somehow was able to listen while my mind blurred and I couldn’t hold in the sobs that kept escaping.  I was not prepared for this.  But, she said….there are options.  And continued to tell us of a great man that use to deal with these “situations” that was killed in a church.  Ryan wasn’t quite sure what she was talking about but I knew right away.  She was talking about the doctor who preformed late term abortions.  Dealing with the situation meant killing my little baby.  My mind was numb but was at least able to say that that was not an option for us.  Even though my head was whirling as to what this little baby would be like?  Would it even look normal??  Could I handle this news??  It’s all too much.

and I kept seeing this on the screen above us..

My precious BABY GIRL.  We weren’t going to find out the sex but it just seemed right now.  A little girl, Kynlee would be so happy.  She wanted a sister so badly.

We then went across the hall to talk to the genetic counselor who asked if we were going to “continue on with the pregnancy.”  I just still can’t believe that’s an option.  She told us a little more about the chromosome disorders and I think she explained it, although all I remember were the words, setting up hospice care if the baby is born, funeral planning and talking about getting an amniocentesis to run the genetic tests to make sure this is what we were dealing with.

I dont really remember the drive home.  I had a headache by the time we went to pick up the kiddos.  We tried to call close family and friends and fill them in.  The emotions were so raw.  When we got home we told the kids that the baby was a girl and that she was sick.  That she might not come home to live with us, but instead might go to live with Jesus.  They shook their heads and two minutes later Kynlee brought the pictures of lil girl and said, is this baby!!!  Can you show me!! There is something so precious about the innocence of children.

I can’t lie and say that my mind didn’t start whirling like crazy.  Lord, I can’t do this.  I can’t be a mom to a super special needs baby.  This will change our lives forever.  This is too much.  My prayers were please take this little girl now so I don’t become more attached, so that I don’t have a baby that I have to say goodbye to after a year, so that I don’t have a baby that I need to be a constant nurse full time for the next 5 years of my life.  It’s amazing how human nature takes over.  And sad.

That night I started googling like crazy.  I wanted to know what we were up against.  After leaving the doctor there seemed like no hope.  They told us that we can doctor with our normal doctor since there is no special treatment needed.  They can do the same thing for us that they would at Children’s.  Basically wait for your baby to die.  I told the Lord, God please take this baby now if you are going to so I don’t have to go through this anymore.  Just take her fast.  And then I found pictures.  So many pictures of kids with Trisomy 18 and 13, also known as Edwards Syndrome and Patau Syndrome.  And what I couldn’t believe is how normal they looked.  They were precious. My prayers started to change.

These are some of the symptoms of Edwards Syndrome….

and here’s some faces of it…

Wednesday night we went to bed and Ry prayed over my belly and for this little girl.  She was kicking like crazy and Ryan could feel her.  It was almost as though she was telling us she’s alright.  I’m a fighter mom and dad.  My eyes could barely open anymore and sleep didn’t come that well.

Friday Ryan and I went in for an amniocentesis, where they stick a needle into your belly and extract 2 tablespoons of fluid from your amniotic sack to get the babies old skin cells that have flaked off.  They tell us they will have the results in 10-14 days, a long time for this mom to wait.  I can’t tell you that I’m all too hopeful for these results.  With the list we got I’m pretty sure it doesn’t look the best.  I was excited to see little girl again though.  She seems like such a fighter!  I have to tell you that one of the hardest things about this process is feeling her kick.  I try to run from reality but every time I feel her kick I am brought right back to it.  But there is no easy answer.  When I don’t feel a kick after an hour or so I start praying like crazy to feel one.  She usually obeys:)  What a sweet girl.  I’m praying the Lord gives me strength during this waiting game of not knowing what is going to happen.  How long I’m going to get with my little girl.  Because He does know.  And she wasn’t an accident.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16

Prayers have been holding us up during this time, and I thank you so much for them.  I can already see the effects of them.  Thursday after we got the news I got a call from a doctor at my clinic.  My doctor was out of town and he was taking her calls.  I found it quite amazing that another doctor would want to take this call.  And soon I found out it was more than amazing, it was Jesus taking care of us.  This doctor just happened to be a deep man of faith whose first words were, “I think you know why I’m calling, and I just want to offer you my deepest prayers.”  I could tell he was sincere.  He proceeded to say that him and his wife have 3 beautiful blessings but they lost one baby at 18 weeks.  He knew the pain of losing a child but still didn’t pretend to know what we were going through with this circumstance.  He allowed me to ask questions and I just wanted to know from a Christian doctors perspective, what would you do?? If this were your baby??  He said what a privilege it is to know that we know God has a bigger plan, and a better place than we can imagine.  That he would love on this baby as long as the Lord gave  him and let this baby join Jesus at the right side of the throne of God when the time came.  *sobs and tears, but it’s so true.  We as Christians can have a peace about this.  It doesn’t take away the pain, but it makes it easier knowing they are going to a much better life.  After telling him thank you so much for the phone call that I believed was not a “coincidence” and him asking if he can put my husband and I on their prayer chain, we ended the chat.  God is good.

We have also been flooded with emails, text, messages, visits, phone calls, gifts, food, and love that is so amazing in the body of Christ.  Thank you to everyone!!  Here are just a few beautiful gifts we have been blessed by in the few shorts days we have been delivered this news…

and a fridge full of food…

So I’m writing this blog part as grieving and therapy for myself, part to keep the story straight for everyone who heard about it, but mostly for prayer.  Prayer for this little baby girl.

Ry and I decided to name her and amazingly I had my girl name picked out from the beginning.  After I found out about baby girls condition I hate to admit it but I wasn’t sure I wanted to use my girl name on a little girl that may not be with our family long.  Selfish.  But the more I thought about it the more I realized the name was meant for this little girl.  So Ryan and I just ask that you join us in prayer for this little girl, Juliet Faith..that we like to call Jules:)  Pray that she makes a huge difference for Jesus.  That she is used by God as well as her story.  That through it all God receives the glory.  And that she is strong because selfishly as well I want to meet her and see her beautiful face!!

I’m gonna leave you with this you tube video that a friend actually showed me a few years back.  I cried then when I watched it but had no idea it would come back full circle.  I wouldn’t have even remembered what the little boy suffered from had we not gone through this.  I think it is just an amazing testimony to Jesus and pray Jules will be as well!

Thank you for your love and support!

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.

Job 1:21