Last night I was laying in bed, and it was one of those nights that the Lord puts all sorts of things on my mind. Nights that I say, okay Lord…I hear you. I start praying for people, start talking to Jesus, and my heart is opened. Of course Jules usually comes to my mind as well. And last night my heart just BROKE for all those little babies like Jules that never get to enter into the world.
But more importantly, my heart just BROKE for the mommies and daddies of those babies that let fear, uncertainty, judgement, and panic miss out on THE BIGGEST blessing they may witness.
I’m not going to lie and tell you Ryan and I weren’t scared when we thought Jules had a cleft lip/pallet. Our baby would be DIFFERENT. People might STARE. Beauty is seen in OUTWARD APPEARANCE to so many in this world. I wanted it FIXED. I wanted her to BLEND IN. I wanted her to be NORMAL.
Am I glad she WAS different. People DID stare, because she was so cute:) Her outward appearance WAS different, and it gave us opportunities to share Jesus. She COULDN’T be fixed, but she’s perfect now! She by no means blended in and she WASN’T normal. She was extraordinary! She was a miracle, she was a lesson to be learned, she was a blessing, and she was my baby girl.
I’m writing this as well for all the mommies that are facing a trisomy 18 or 13 or genetic/chromosomal disorder. A diagnosis where doctors give you no hope, in fact some of them even scare you into what your baby may be. A diagnosis that seems a death.
I was there.
I was scared.
I didn’t think I could do it
I was scared she would die.
I was scared she would live.
I didn’t know if I could raise a supreme special needs baby for a year, 5 years, 10 years….
In a blink of an eye our lives changed.
I remember standing in the shower a week before Jules came and the Lord gave me such clarity. He showed me eternity. And I told Him, Lord, if you have it in your plans for her to live for 20 years, we’ll do it. Our work on this earth will be to serve others, serve our baby girl. Our lives here are SHORT! Eternity is forever! And I want to honor you Jesus.
Funny thing is is that that’s all God wants from us. He wants us to surrender our will to follow His. He wants us to be WILLING.
Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done.
I wish I could say that I always have such clarity. That eternity is always so easy to see. But I fail at that every day. But I do pray for a renewing of my mind. In a very hard world.
So to the mommies and daddies that are dealing with a similar situation that are looking for answers.
Had we listened to the doctor who told us we could take care of this “situation” as our lively baby girl was on the screen kicking and moving……
We would have missed out on the MIRACLE of her birth..
snuggles all day long…
and lessons learned by all of us of what true beauty is.
What following God’s will looks like.
How the body of Christ holds you up.
How prayer truly is our most powerful weapon.
How God is ALWAYS there.
How He is GOOD–ALL THE TIME.
“Taking care of the situation” would have left me with unanswered questions.
An empty hole.
Because at the moment we may think it is the easiest solution. They may sugar coat it and say you are doing a favor for the baby. They may make you believe it’s not a precious life. But YOU are the one that has to live with the decision. YOU are the one that will remember when everyone else forgets. YOU are the only one that can protect them.
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. –Psalm 127:3
But last night, my heart broke for the mommas that missed out on this blessing. The mommas who weren’t sure. The mommas that loved their babies with all their heart but didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know if they could handle it. These were the mommas I was praying for. I was praying that they know God STILL loves them. That there is forgiveness….and hope. Unending hope in a God that is full of love.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. –Romans 15:13
I’d love to chat with you, to love on you a bit:) To show you where to find that hope, that love! You can always email me at firstname.lastname@example.org I’d love to hear from you!