It’s been 1 month since I got to snuggle my little Ju Ju B. One month since I got to feel her fuzzy head. 1 Month since I smothered her in kisses. And 1 month since I’ve had to say goodbye.

The journey has been a crazy one to say the least, and this knew transition is no different. There are moments when I feel as though this whole last 6 months have been a dream. Almost like I have to force myself to look at pictures to remember it really did happen. It’s quite surreal. No nursery was set up for Jules, not many clothes were boughten. She had one bottle, one nuk, and a few blankies. After she died the clothes got washed and ready to return to those who borrowed them to us, the swing was put back in the shed along with her carseat. The nuks and bottles were put away…and it’s almost as though she were never here. All except for her blanket that I snuggle with and sleep with some nights, that still has a faint smell of her.

For the 38 days she was here, time stood still. I barely left the house, the phone only rang a couple of times (people were so respectful) and I held Miss Jules for 22 of the 24 hours in a day:) I slept with her every night, I took baths with her, I ate with her in my lap. She was my life. And then I had to give her away.

That night I went to sleep without a bundle on my chest, I woke up late with no crying interfering my sleep. Schedules went back to the way they were before. In a few days there were no signs a baby had been here, only the hole in our hearts. The emptiness we felt. and the memories we have.

Surreal.

That’s the only way I can describe it.

Boy how I miss you baby girl….Happy 1 month dancing little lady!