Many of you don’t know this but before we got pregnant with Jules we miscarried, right after Christmas. For someone who has had 2 very easy pregnancy’s, I was quite shocked. After reading the percentages of women that miscarry, it wasn’t quite as alarming and I was able to tell myself that it was the Lord’s natural way of taking care of something that maybe wasn’t working out all right. 4 weeks after that we got pregnant with Jules. (I didn’t know you are very fertile after a miscarriage:) We were ecstatic to get pregnant again so quickly! Especially since I had been trying to work on Ry for the past 6 months:) It finally seemed like our family of four would jump to five, yay!
Fast forward to 15 weeks later when I finally announced it on the blog when we were 20 weeks along that we were having a baby!
I think it’s kind of ironic how the only baby I have any belly shots from is Jules…It’s like the Lord knew I’d want to start the keepsakes early on:)
I did notice this pregnancy was a little different, and would often say that. With Kynlee my belly popped right away, and I was expecting the third to be even worse. Jules was a lil peanut from the start though, and I kept saying I haven’t quite had one like this…
Another couple weeks goes by and we get our first ultrasound pictures. Baby is adorable. We are both excited to be surprised about the sex since we already have one of each, but secretly I was hoping for a little sister for Kynlee:)
Baby’s adorable, chubby cheeks and all! Little did we know that one hour later after seeing cutie, we would be told that baby has a possible cleft palate. Hard for this momma, but for surely manageable and fixable! We had no idea what those clenched little fists would mean.
Fast forward to another 5 weeks of waiting for our level two ultrasound and our worlds were rocked. No longer was anything fixable or manageable. Not by our earthly hands at least.
Lil baby girl was diagnosed with trisomy 18, if you haven’t read that story you can click here, and indeed she did have a cleft.
But she is just as adorable. Here on out we have been living with a new normal. My first thought and prayer was Lord, please take her now, I dont want to have to endure this for another 3 months. Then I got to know Jules a little better, and the Lord..and realized everything happens for a reason. Jules is a miracle and a fighter. She has already changed my life and a few others from what I’m told:) I couldn’t be happier for one of my children to have that impact for the kingdom at such a young age.
I have 2 weeks to go til I get to meet my lil fighter. My prayer for so long now has been that I get to meet her alive! Last night as I was laying in bed though, I said to Ryan, if that prayer comes true, then what? I haven’t thought too much past that. I haven’t let my mind go much further. What does our lives look like after that? How attached will we become, how long will the Lord give us with her. How will the grieving process look? But God is good, and it’s almost as though He said, we don’t need to know those things. Just like He’s led us every step of the way and allowed us to stand through it all, He will be there through the next part of the journey as well. And so will all of those who have rained down their love and support for us through this tough time. We are so blessed.
Wednesday we go in for a 3D ultrasound. I was unsure at first if I wanted to do it, more so because I want to believe in my miracle til the very end, which I still do:) But I am getting excited. My friend found a place in the cities, Enlightened Imaging, that does them free for babies that aren’t expected to make it. Pretty cool. I guess they have a huge 8 foot screen that we get to see Jules kicking on, the kiddos as well. So if all goes well we’ll share a few of those pics with you of sweet Juliet that you have been praying for:)
Life is a journey, we get one chance to live it for Jesus, not ourselves. I fail everyday but pray the Lord will continue to use me, and our family.