Ryan and I were told by so many people going into our journey with Jules that a death of a child can either bring you closer together, or tear you apart. Although it was a very stressful journey at times, and our marriage wasn’t always perfect….I can’t imagine going through something like that and coming out closer in the end. I was so grateful to have Ryan by my side throughout every step of the journey. There were so many times before Jules was even born yet, that I wished we could just run away as a family and not have to deal with the explaining, grieving, and even comforting others. I felt as though Ryan was the only person who truly understood the situation we were in. We were doing this together. I didn’t need to talk, we didn’t need to explain, we both knew. We could just “be.”
We had promised ourselves when we first found out about our special angel girl, that at some point we were going to get away together. I hate to say when all was done, meaning our girl was no longer with us, but it’s true. When we first found out we didn’t know if she was going to make it a week, a month, or even through labor. We lived in suspense, anxiety, fear, uncertainty for the last 4 months of our pregnancy, not going far in case something happened. The emotional aspect was draining. And then Jules came. And she stayed. And we rejoiced. We actually thought that the Lord was going to let us keep her for quite some time, so our dream of getting away soon disappeared and instead we fully engulfed ourselves in this little girl thinking of nothing else.
Jules is gone now. We miss her like crazy, and I think one of the best things we can do for our family and her is for Ryan and I to continue to pour into our marriage to make it the best it can be. It’s funny how life takes over, kids require our full attention, and soon it can feel like we are living with a roommate more than a lover. Ryan and I have always tried to keep our marriage fresh…but it takes work! We have been in counseling (shocking..but I think all married couples should be:) we try to go on dates…but most of all we desire to continue to know each other more intimately and become better friends as the years go by. That is another sweet gift our baby girl gave us without even knowing it. She drew us together in a way we have never experienced before, and for that I am grateful!
So tomorrow night Ryan and I take off for a little vacation to Miami, Florida. The temps have been in the 80’s (yay! bring on the freckles:) and I get to escape with the man of my dreams…something we haven’t done since our honeymoon 6 years ago. God is so good and we are so grateful to be able to do this. So thank you also to so many of you who have been so generous and blessed us. This is a huge gift! And a huge thanks to our family who practically fought over taking our kids….we love you guys lots! Thanks for making it so easy to leave!
Lucky me…I get to spend 5 days with this handsome man:):) Can’t wait to share some photos of palm trees when we get back:)