I believe in a God that breathed life into dust.
I believe in a God that separated the Red Sea and raised Lazarus from the dead.
I believe in a God that sends fire from heaven and closes the mouths of lions.
And most importantly, I believe in a God that can heal Juliet.
Although I have absolutely not a doubt in my mind that He can heal her, surprisingly this is not my biggest prayer. Selfishly it would be, and trust me…many times at night while I’m laying in bed alone with my thoughts that’s the only plea I can come up with while she’s kicking away. Please Lord, Please Lord, Please Lord. But when I look at the big picture…God’s picture…who am I to say what that holds?? Healing Juliet may be in His cards, or there may be something bigger for her life. Something I might not even know until I can ask Jesus myself. Already I am so grateful for the opportunities I have had to talk to people and share our story of sweet Juliet and see the impact she has made. Already I can see the hand of Jesus in her story. Already I can see miracles.
I know that there are people out there praying big prayers for Juliet and I am so grateful for that as well. We have been anointed over, prayed over and prayed for by thousands of people. And don’t worry, I have been the first to tell God that if you choose to heal her Jesus, I will glorify you with her story all the days of my life, it will not be in vain. But there are a few other reasons why I don’t choose to stand on only this as well.
1.) My God is the same today, yesterday, and tomorrow, whether I would choose to pick the outcome He does or not. I don’t want my view of God or anyone elses to change if we proclaim a miracle in His name and that’s not what He has.
2.) I don’t ever want to doubt that my faith was not big enough to heal Juliet. The Lord does choose to heal, and He chooses not too. I know that there are some answers we will never have until we get to heaven and I have to be okay with that. I have to be okay that my human mind can not begin to understand the Lord and his workings. I have to trust. and I do.
3.) I can’t let this momma’s mind think that she will give birth to a healed baby and then have the heartache of that not being so. I’m choosing to let God write the ending to this story. I choosing to believe that He is holding both Juliet and I through this, and I am choosing that he will be there the day we go in, to comfort, support, love and be with us no matter what we face.
My pastor once explained healings in a way that I have never heard it before, and to me it made sense. Because otherwise It’s so hard to understand why the Lord wouldn’t heal us all. He made mention of why do you think it is that we hear of all these miraculous healings in third world countries, in Africa and all over the world but aren’t seeing as many of them right here. People being raised from the dead, disabilities being wiped away, the lame walking, etc. I have to admit, I have thought this many times. He said that in these countries there is no knowledge of God. Many people for the first time are hearing his name and his works. God shows these miraculous signs to glorify himself and show who He is.
In America most of us all own a Bible. I think we have about 6 in our house. There are churches on every corner. There is truth. We know who God is and we have faith. God does not need to prove himself to us. In other parts of the world that is not the case. The darkness is too big. Whether you believe this reasoning or not, to me it made sense. I will not dismiss my God because He doesn’t heal. I have truth and knowledge to know that God is love, God is good, God is in control.
So dear sweet Juliet, I pray that God uses you in a big way, and trust that his ways are perfect. You are 35 weeks today and as active as ever, and though I do seem to get more nervous as we approach your due date, I am so proud of you for fighting and want you to know that you are impacting the kingdom. Your life is not in vain. hugs and kisses…
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.