When Tate was born we had just moved from our tiny one bedroom, 800 square feet “birdhouse” into a massive (to us) 4 bedroom 2 bath house, close to 3,000 square feet house. I had a cute little nursery all prepared. That’s actually one of the reasons I wanted to find out what Tate was..to prepare the nursery. Big surprise. Ryan didn’t want to find out either time and he says we compromised and found out both times, good guy too:)
The wipe warmer was plugged in, the diapers were stocked…the closet was full of all sorts of cute clothes, and blankets were made. We were prepared!
When Kynlee came home, she came home to a girly room.
Her closet was twice as full…come on, she’s a girl:) Her blankets were made. The wipe warmer may not have been turned on, (she was number 2) but everything was in place. Swings were out and a baby chair was on each level. We were prepared!
For Jules, we are anything but prepared.
No crib is set up, no diapers have been bought. There are is no baby equipment in the house. To some of you this may seem like I have lost hope. To this mom, it’s more about protecting a precious part of me. I am very grateful for technology. Although this has been a long journey, it’s one that I have been able to try to use to the most for the glory of God. Although at times I’ve been mad, I’ve also been so grateful for each kick and each day I’ve gotten with Jules. I’ve gotten to protect them a bit more. I can’t imagine if I were born in my moms generation of no ultrasounds. Right now I would have a nursery prepared. I would have clothes ready to go and baby gear out. I would come home to a home that is so ready to welcome a baby, with possibly no baby. Trust me…at times I thought ignorance may have been bliss, but as the time draws near I am so thankful that we were able to truly enjoy Jules and tell her story of what a precious human being she is, despite a lot of the medical worlds opinion. She has drawn us closer to people and also to Jesus.
Instead of preparing for material things, we have been preparing our hearts.
We’ve been preparing them for what might happen. We have 1 week left until her due date and all sorts of anxiety has set in. My prayer to Jesus is please let me have some joy on her birthday. Bring about a God like peace during that precious time.
I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.
We’ve prepared a birth plan for what will happen when we do go to the hospital. I found one online that was very similar to Ryan and ours wishes and tweaked it to fit us better.
* Allie does not desire to be hooked up to a heart rate monitor during labor.
* Please perform standard suctioning, rubbing, and vigorous drying to aid in Juliet respiratory and cardiac efforts. Positive pressure, bag and mask ventilation may be used immediately after delivery for up to one minute to initiate breathing only, not to maintain breathing. No artificial airway afterward.
* If warranted, Juliet will be supplied extra oxygen only if it aids in her comfort.
We request that Juliet be quickly handed to Ryan or allie after her birth whether she is alive or stillborn.
* We want Juliet to be with us, not placed in a warmer, etc. Instead we would like to use warm blankets and/or skin-to-skin contact against parent’s chest.
Please delay all procedures (weigh, measure, footprints) until both parents have held her and if possible these procedures should be done while the parents are present or holding her. If there are any procedures that absolutely need to be done outside the room, Allie or Ryan will go with Juliet.
* No Vit K and ointments administered.
* No extra-ordinary means should be taken to prolong her life.
* We still desire for Juliet to receive some kind of nutrition. Our first preference is breast milk– Allie would like to pump. We are open to suggestions of other feeding methods which may be easier and more effective for our daughter.
* Since we don’t know how long Juliet will live we want to spend as much time with her as possible. If Juliets condition begins to deteriorate, we wish to be the ones holding and caring for her at the time of her death.
* A photographer has been invited to take pictures of her birth. We will keep this a private time with all immediate (children only) family members present for photos.~ She plans on being there to take pictures before and shortly after Juliets arrival.
* Please help us make as many memories as possible by giving us any mementos including bassinet card, hats, baby blanket, hospital ID bracelet, hand and We would also like several locks of her hair, if she has any.
* If Juliet is stable, and Allie is released by her Dr. , we desire to take her home ASAP on comfort care.
And we’ve prepared our kids as best as we know how.
Even though we can tell them that Jules may not get to come home with us, that Jesus may want to hold her and keep her. That she has a special purpose to serve in heaven…they still hope we get to keep her.
Kynlee is under the assumption that Jesus is gonna take her for a little bit, and then give her back. What do you say to that? and then Tate chimes in, all we can do it pray, and as he’s on the carpet he kneels right down and says, “dear Jesus, thank you for baby Jules, for mommy and daddy and for the kitties.” Amen. Yep, he fit everything important in there:) I’m pretty sure God was smiling in heaven at that prayer:) and Kynlee still randomly says, “I really want baby Jules to live with us.” We’ve tried to prepare them.
Preparing for Jules has been a bit different. It’s changed us, it’s shaped us, it’s only just begun. Thank you so much for your love and support!