Preparing…

When Tate was born we had just moved from our tiny one bedroom, 800 square feet  “birdhouse” into a massive (to us) 4 bedroom 2 bath house, close to 3,000 square feet house.  I had a cute little nursery all prepared.  That’s actually one of the reasons I wanted to find out what Tate was..to prepare the nursery.  Big surprise.  Ryan didn’t want to find out either time and he says we compromised and found out both times, good guy too:)

The wipe warmer was plugged in, the diapers were stocked…the closet was full of all sorts of cute clothes, and blankets were made.  We were prepared!

When Kynlee came home, she came home to a girly room.

Her closet was twice as full…come on, she’s a girl:)  Her blankets were made.  The wipe warmer may not have been turned on, (she was number 2) but everything was in place.  Swings were out and a baby chair was on each level.  We were prepared!

For Jules, we are anything but prepared.

No crib is set up, no diapers have been bought.  There are is no baby equipment in the house.  To some of you this may seem like I have lost hope.  To this mom, it’s more about protecting a precious part of me.  I am very grateful for technology.  Although this has been a long journey, it’s one that I have been able to try to use to the most for the glory of God.  Although at times I’ve been mad, I’ve also been so grateful for each kick and each day I’ve gotten with Jules.  I’ve gotten to protect them a bit more.  I can’t imagine if I were born in my moms generation of no ultrasounds.  Right now I would have a nursery prepared.  I would have clothes ready to go and baby gear out.  I would come home to a home that is so ready to welcome a baby, with possibly no baby.  Trust me…at times I thought ignorance may have been bliss, but as the time draws near I am so thankful that we were able to truly enjoy Jules and tell her story of what a precious human being she is, despite a lot of the medical worlds opinion.  She has drawn us closer to people and also to Jesus.

Instead of preparing for material things, we have been preparing our hearts. 

We’ve been preparing them for what might happen.  We have 1 week left until her due date and all sorts of anxiety has set in.  My prayer to Jesus is please let me have some joy on her birthday.  Bring about a God like peace during that precious time.

I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices.  You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.

John 16:20

We’ve prepared a birth plan for what will happen when we do go to the hospital. I found one online that was very similar to Ryan and ours wishes and tweaked it to fit us better. 

*  Allie does not desire to be hooked up to a heart rate monitor during labor.

*  Please perform standard suctioning, rubbing, and vigorous drying to aid in Juliet respiratory and cardiac efforts. Positive pressure, bag and mask  ventilation may be used immediately after delivery for up to one minute to initiate breathing only, not to maintain breathing. No artificial airway afterward.

*  If warranted, Juliet will be supplied extra oxygen only if it aids in her comfort.
We request that Juliet be quickly handed to Ryan or allie after her birth whether she is alive or stillborn.

*  We want Juliet to be with us, not placed in a warmer, etc. Instead we would like to use warm blankets and/or skin-to-skin contact against parent’s chest.
Please delay all procedures (weigh, measure, footprints) until both parents have held her and if possible these procedures should be done while the parents are present or holding her. If there are any procedures that absolutely need to be done outside the room, Allie or Ryan will go with Juliet.

*  No Vit K and ointments administered.

*  No extra-ordinary means should be taken to prolong her life.

*  We still desire for Juliet  to receive some kind of nutrition. Our first preference is breast milk– Allie would like to pump. We are open to suggestions of other feeding methods which may be easier and more effective for our daughter.

*  Since we don’t know how long Juliet will live we want to spend as much time with her as possible. If Juliets condition begins to deteriorate, we wish to be the ones holding and caring for her at the time of her death.

*  A photographer has been invited to take pictures of her birth. We will keep this a private time with all immediate (children only) family members present for photos.~ She plans on being there to take pictures before and shortly after Juliets arrival.

*  Please help us make as many memories as possible by giving us any mementos including bassinet card, hats, baby blanket, hospital ID bracelet, hand and We would also like several locks of her hair, if she has any.

*  If Juliet is stable, and Allie is released by her Dr. , we desire to take her home ASAP on comfort care.

And we’ve prepared our kids as best as we know how. 

Even though we can tell them that Jules may not get to come home with us, that Jesus may want to hold her and keep her.  That she has a special purpose to serve in heaven…they still hope we get to keep her.

Kynlee is under the assumption that Jesus is gonna take her for a little bit, and then give her back.  What do you say to that?  and then Tate chimes in, all we can do it pray, and as he’s on the carpet he kneels right down and says, “dear Jesus, thank you for baby Jules, for mommy and daddy and for the kitties.”  Amen.  Yep, he fit everything important in there:)  I’m pretty sure God was smiling in heaven at that prayer:)  and Kynlee still randomly says, “I really want baby Jules to live with us.”  We’ve tried to prepare them.

Preparing for Jules has been a bit different.  It’s changed us, it’s shaped us, it’s only just begun.  Thank you so much for your love and support!

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24 thoughts on “Preparing…”

  1. Christie Halonen

    Brooke shared your blog with me today. We are praying for you as you journey through this difficult yet love filled experiance with your precious baby girl. I have enjoyed reading your posts with giggles and tears. May God stay right beside you and hold your hands through this whole journey.

    God Bless your wonderful family!

  2. Allie, if you read this in time, please call me at home (320-529-4886). I’m’ at my parent’s place today (in Darwin) but will be home all week. I know EXACTLY what you’re going through and would love to check in with you…

  3. I am so moved by all that you’ve done to prepare for Jules birth. I sense Gods strength and loving arms holding you. I continue to pray for you and your family. No preparation can prepare you for this, but as you have said God is in control and will use this situation to minister to many other families. Thanks for the day at Whimsy Green. Had a great time and have already hung up my finds throughout the bedrooms. Always fun to have something new to jazz up a space. Blessings to you Lundeens…….<3

  4. I have been praying for you and your family for several months. My heart just aches for you. I am so blessed by your faith and wisdom in trying to prepare yourselves and your precious little ones for Jules. We prayed for you in our Small group Sunday night and again on Monday night during the Bible study. I know our Father can give you peace, that only HE can give you. He’ll give you the strength to get through. My prayers for you is that you will have precious times with Jules, to show her your love, and build up memories that you will treasure. We know that Jesus’ arms will be waiting for precious Juliet and that she will have a complete healing when she goes to her heavenly home. I pray for the “peace that passes all understanding” will be with your family.

    1. Thank you so much Cheryl, you are such a sweetie!! We have felt amazing peace this last month and I continue to pray to God that he allows that peace that passes all understanding last awhile longer:) I’m so grateful that we have warriors like you holding us up in prayer..we can feel it!! Thank you so much!!

  5. I have been following your posts for a good while now. My heart is breaking for you and your family, yet I am amazed and inspired by your faith. Our God is so great, and He is holding you and sweet Jules in His hand. I am praying daily for your continued strentgh, peace and wisdom. What a blessing you are to so many – please never forget that! Much love, Mary

  6. Allie,
    The nurse me is so proud of you and your plan. You have done such a great job in covering all your bases and I know you will be able to be truly at peace that you are honoring and respecting that precious little girl and making the most of whatever moments on this earth you have with her. I wish more families would take the time to show that much care and respect for their loved ones. The cousin and friend me aches that you have to do that, but I rejoice with you through the tears. You can bet I will be praising God on little Jules birthday because she is fearfully and wonderfully made in HIS image and that is worthy of our praise! Hugs and Kisses to you and your precious family.

  7. Praying for you and your family during this time. You said it so well, “Instead of preparing for material things, we have been preparing our hearts.” I think every baby should be welcomed into the world with such wonderful parents who know where true value lies. Thank you for sharing your story with honesty and hope, hope that lies is Jesus.

  8. Even though we have not met in person, we both believe in the same loving God. He is such a loving father and holds us close in difficult times. I can relate to having a child with a birth defect. In fact I’ve had two sons with heart defects, both of them needing open heart surgery. I was nine months pregnant with our second son when our first son had open heart surgery at 17 months of age. The Lord graciously spared his life and he is now a healthy young man. But the second son, who I was pregnant had a very serious heart defect, two chambered right sided heart. He had two heart surgeries and it was only a few hours after the second surgery, at the age of 4 he died.

    I know how hard it can be to prepare children. We would talk with our son about his up and coming surgery, but the Lord used the mouth of a babe to give us comfort. After talking with him he would always say ” I’m going to the hospital to die”. We would tell him we hoped not and prayed that the doctors could make his heart better. He would then say to us “Jesus will take my hand”. These were the last words he said to us as the doctors and nurses took him away to surgery. “Don’t cry…Jesus will take my hand”.

    What a comfort for us to know that he is safe in the arms of Jesus and not suffering any more on this earth.

    May you, your husband and children have the comfort and strength that He can give.
    Thinking of you and praying for you in this difficult time.

    1. Wow Joy, thank you for being an inspiration to me. I do love the innocence of sweet babes. So sorry to hear what you had to go through as well but so blessed that we serve a mighty God at that these two may get to meet:) Thanks for the comment.

  9. You may not know me…but I live near your hubby’s aunt Gretchen. I have my own daughter Julie who played basketball on Whit’s team. You may remember her…everyone who meets her seems to remember her. She is our family’s “Jules”. If the name means anything you are going to have a fighter on your hands.
    My Jules is a true Christian young lady that sent me a link to your blog. It is breaking her heart that you have to go through this. I believe that the Lord does not give anyone more than they can handle. You are being given a very precious gift from God. This baby has already moved mountains and she hasn’t even made an appearance. Just imagine what she is going to do when she gets here?
    Julie was in the same class as Ryan’s brother who was tragically taken too early. She has never forgotten him. If she doesn’t get to spend enough time with you…she has a very special uncle waiting to show her heaven. They are going to hunt for everything up there!
    Prayers that you will find peace in whatever time you get to have with your little girl…

  10. Lifting you up to His strong and comforting arms. You have taught us all so much about what it means to really trust our God. You and little Juliet are bringing glory to His name. Blessings to all of you.

  11. I am a perinatologist. I have taken care of and delivered several babies with trisomy 18. Your birth plan is perfect. I wish you peace and quality time with your precious baby.

  12. My eyes are flowing with tears as I read your entry, but my heart is filled with joy and promise. Although I have never met you, you help strenghthen my faith in our wonderful Lord and Savior. I will continue to lift you and your family in prayer over the coming days and weeks.

  13. I see your links posted on friends’ Facebook updates and want you to know I am praying for you also! God grant you peace beyond what it humanly possible and strength divine as you walk through this journey with Juliet.

    Bless you as you love and pray your little blessing into the arms of Jesus.

  14. Allie, I’ve been following your story and that of little Jules. I want you to know that it has moved me in a way I never thought possible. Your faith and trust in the Lord have helped me grow in my own faith – by leaps and bounds. I will be forever grateful for that. I continue to pray for you, Ryan, Kynlee, Tate, Jules, and your entire extended family.

  15. Raising all of you up in prayer. We are all placed here to be welcomed in our arms and then Jesus’ arms, how long our time on earth is not known, but we are all here with purpose, from the moment in the womb, some purposes are short, some longer, but Juliet’s purpose, perhaps, shall be longer and wider than most, no matter when she gets the glory of being with Jesus.

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